simple things

Over the years, I have been extremely blessed to have been in contact with some really good people, and from those people I have learned much about living a good life and being a positive influence on those around me.

Growing up in a small town, it becomes easy to get lost in your environment. By that I mean “becoming content” with what the area has to offer, and never venturing far from those offerings.

Having been the youngest of five male siblings, I was able to get a clear picture of “right” and “wrong”, “do’s” and “dont’s”, good decisions and poor ones. I think it’s fairly safe to say that I’ve seen about all I can see in that regards, and if I haven’t seen it, then I know someone who has and they can and will tell me all about it.

Not a lot of people can say that they have 10 or more friends that they keep in contact with, regularly, 25 years post graduation. Clearly a testament to who I was back then and who I am now.

And the friends, still strong as ever, still there if I need them, still supportive in whatever I’m doing. It’s a great feeling to know that you always a have a team on your back, no matter the venture.

Those guys have been there for the long haul, through thick and thin, but you get the picture. I am thankful for what I have and the life I’ve led to this point. I wouldn’t change a thing.

If you want your life to be a magnificent story, then begin by realizing that you are the author and everyday you have the opportunity to write a new page ~ Mark Houlihan

An Unassuming Hero?

Just finished reading an article on Tim Duncan, the All-Star center for the San Antonio Spurs, and I’m both amazed and comforted by the way he plays the game, and especially, by the way he lives his life. I won’t spoil the article for you if you’re intent on reading it, but some of it’s finer points state that he only accepts interviews if it doesn’t take time away from his family, that he has turned down countless endorsements that may have earned him millions because he doesn’t see the need to, and that he once tried to change his residency to the his native Virgin Islands so that the taxes on his salary could help his home territory. He seems extremely content with who he is, even though some think that he could do more things to draw more attention to himself in an effort to become more of a fan favorite. He states that, “I could open up my life and get more endorsements and be out there and be a fan favorite. But why would that help?”…”Why should it?”
Being content is not easy in the world of professional sports. It seems like every year everyone expects more and more. If a team has a winning season, they want to win more the next year. When they feel they are getting better, they want to make the playoffs. If they make the playoffs, the want to reach the championship the next season. If they reach the championship, they want to win the championship the next season. If they reach the championship and win, well, they want back-to-back championship victories.
The same is true with our personal lives. If our spouses, children, houses, or bank accounts don’t fulfill all the dreams we’d hoped for, we feel empty, maybe even cheated, because society says that’s the way it works. We think that acquiring more and always replacing what we have with something bigger and better is the only way to find contentment. Don’t believe it.

Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. Philippians 4:11-12

Is Seau a Hero or Disappointment?

Life is tough sometimes, no doubt about it, and it can make you feel like it is insurmountable. Thankfully, most people find some sort of solace in someone or something that veers them off the path of taking their own life as a result of everyday struggles.The one question everyone has asked without exception, that they ache to have answered more than any other, is simply: why? Why did their friend, child, parent, spouse, or sibling take their own life? Even when a note explaining the reasons is found, lingering questions usually remain: yes, they felt enough despair to want to die, but why did they feel that? A person’s suicide often takes the people it leaves behind by surprise (only accentuating survivor’s guilt for failing to see it coming).

As a high school teacher, I realize that there are many stressful elements teenagers have to deal with, and I empathize with young people in that respect. The struggle to fit in can sometimes be one that is never-ending, unless of course you end it yourself. Most everyone at some time in his or her life will experience periods of anxiety, sadness, and despair. These are normal reactions to the pain of loss, rejection, or disappointment. Those with serious mental illnesses, however, often experience much more extreme reactions, reactions that can leave them mired in hopelessness. And when all hope is lost, some feel that suicide is the only solution. It isn’t.

Junior Seau, former All-Pro linebacker and future Hall-of-Famer, a man who had spent his entire adult life in the limelight was well-loved, as a star at the University of Southern California, and as a professional football player in San Diego, Miami, and New England. That seemed to matter little after his playing days were over. Sometimes former professional athletes struggle with living in anonymity and can’t replace they high they felt when they seemingly mattered to someone on a daily basis.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, scientific evidence has shown that almost all people who take their own lives have a diagnosable mental or substance abuse disorder, and the majority have more than one disorder. In other words, the feelings that often lead to suicide are highly treatable. That’s why it is imperative that we better understand the symptoms of the disorders and the behaviors that often accompany thoughts of suicide. With more knowledge, we can often prevent the devastation of losing a loved one.

From all accounts that have been given, Seau was a “stand up” guy, the kind that would always be there to help a friend, to help those who needed counseling through the tough times. His play on the field was incredible, but it was off the field that he apparently struggled with the demons that led to him to taking his own life. Family problems had become a mounting issue in his life, but now that family has even more problems, more than they could have ever imagined. That problem is replacing someone they all loved so much.

Ebony and Ivory

There are many passages in the Bible that have been used by Christians to condemn interracial marriages. However most Christian and Jewish theologians interpret these same verses as referring to inter-faith marriages. Other passages refer to the Holiness Code of behavior that is generally believed to apply only to Jews and is unrelated to marriage.

J.D. Self, author of an Internet site “Interracial Marriage is against God’s Law” writes: “God created the different races and dispersed them because of man’s arrogance. It is clearly evident that God purposely made the different races. Does that mean that we hate each other? No. It does mean that was His plan and we show our arrogance again in the face of God when we say: ‘We know You made the different races, God, but we have decided we don’t like that and we are going to try and have all the races intermarry again to get it back the way it was because You messed it up God.’ This is ultimate arrogance to God and His plan. Pure arrogance in the face and to the plan of God.”

An alternate interpretation of the Bible concludes that God loves human variety. If the stories in Genesis are literally true, he created the human race with great diversity: two sexes, many races, three sexual orientations, a range of heights and body styles, hundreds of languages, etc. Interracial marriage often produces biracial children who are different in skin color and features from both parents. This increases human diversity even more. So, perhaps interracial marriage has a positive value to God.

Forces are bringing compatible spirits together. If the man permits himself to be led by this ineffable attraction, good fortune will come his way. When deep friendships exist, formalities and elaborate preparations are not necessary.

We use the King James Version of the Bible for a glance at some of the passages used to denounce interracial relationships:

Genesis 28:1: “And Isaac called Jacob, and blessed him, and charged him, and said unto him, Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan.”

Some typically interpret this verse after assuming that the Hebrews and Canaanites were of different races. Thus inter-marriage was forbidden on racial grounds. However, there is evidence that has revealed that the Hebrews originated from the Canaanites. Most Christians believe that the marriage prohibition in Genesis was frowned upon because of a concern that the Hebrews would adopt the Pagan religious beliefs and practices of nearby tribes if they were to marry outside of their culture. Thus the prohibition was based on religious, not racial differences.

• Deuteronomy 22:9: “Thou shalt not sow thy vineyard with divers seeds: lest the fruit of thy seed which thou hast sown, and the fruit of thy vineyard, be defiled.”

The meaning of this verse is obscure in the King James Version. However, the New Living Translation describes this prohibiting the sowing another species of plant between the rows of grape bushes in a vineyard. If a farmer did this, he was forbidden to make use of either crop. If this verse is to be interpreted in terms of human mating, it would appear to refer to bestiality — sexual behavior between a human and an animal. It appears to be unrelated to interracial marriage.

Honestly, there is nothing I’ve found that clearly forbids an interracial relationship, it’s truly a matter of personal preference. No medical evidence exists that links any type of birth defects to bearing an interracial child. It’s a matter of convictions. Those convictions govern the way we live. Unfortunately, some of those convictions are deep rooted and tempered by other convictions that are not biblically-based.

We tend to seek out God and use him according to our own wants and needs. And to that, try to sway our own convictions according to a twisted word.

I’ll say this, with as many couples doing it the wrong way, I applaud anyone who can do it right way and remain happy, no matter the race. Differences in the times and personalities that are diverse among cultural lines have opened the door to some interesting scenarios. People, more and more, just want to be happy. And they’ll do most anything to find that special personality with whom to share their lives with.

I’m okay with anyone who seeks out happiness. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.

How Much Does Amendment One Matter?

Does it matter?…and is it necessary right now?…
In the midst of the entire debate about whether amendment one should or should not be passed, I ask the question of whether this matters in the grand scheme of things, and if now is the time to re-visit the issue.
The measure would define marriage in the state constitution as between one man and one woman, and would ban any other type of “domestic legal union” such as civil unions and domestic partnerships.
Same-sex marriage is already illegal in the state of North Carolina. The proposed measure, however, would add the ban to the state constitution.
Supporters of the amendment argue that without an amendment banning same-sex unions, situations in which married same-sex couples move from states like New York will seek legal rights and they argue that the state is not “equipped to handle that.” Rep. Paul Stam has been quoted, “They’re going to bring with them their same-sex marriages. They’re going to want to get divorced” and have custody issues decided, he said. “We’re not equipped to handle that.”
That makes sense, sort of, but only if you’re of the mindset and lifestyle that such a statement wouldn’t concern or alter your life. But, in our times of tricky insurance wordplay in which you really can’t understand if you’re covered for certain procedures until the bill comes, I’d argue that peace of mind is essential in planning our lives, and deaths so that our loved ones aren’t left to wonder why and not be able to provide surviving loved ones a suitable life.
When asked why elected officials are focusing on social issues during hard economic times, Union County Commissioner Todd Johnson responded by saying, “One thing comes to mind. If the moral and social issues of our country are not addressed, we don’t have to worry about the economic issues. They will not matter at that point in time.”
So, is it a moral issue, or isn’t it?…
In a response to President Obama’s statement of opposition to the measure, Bishop Burbidge and Bishop Jugis penned a joint statement further explaining their support of the amendment, saying, “Our profound regard for marriage, as the complementary and fruitful union of a man and a woman does not negate our concern for the well-being of all people, but reinforces it.”
Reinforces what? That sounds like a moral issue to me, if not a morally-based issue. I think some folks are hiding behind logistics.
I believe that it is a moral issue with most, if not all politicians, and they each individually have a firm stance on it, whether they admit to it or not. It’s much easier to say “no comment”, then to voice your opinion and face possible ridicule. What benefits me?
Opponents of the measure argue that a ban on legal same-sex unions should not be added to the state constitution. They also argue that the subject – “rights of a minority” – should not be up for a vote. Others argue that the proposed amendment may lead to more bullying of gay youth; in addition, the amendment could invalidate certain domestic violence protections for unmarried couples, gay or straight.
Some lawmakers argue that the proposed amendment will hurt employment in the state. Rep. Larry Hall said, “Instead of creating an environment where we can create employment, attract entrepreneurs (and) attract talent, we’re going to try to put a sign up to say, ‘You are not welcome if you want to contribute to our society.’”
Now, I don’t think this amendment will or will not deter anyone from entering the state because we all know that money rules everything, and if anyone stands to become financially prosperous, they’re coming. They may complain when they get here, but they will be in attendance. It’s similar to when people move from one state to another and then talk about how much better it was where they were formerly. If you’re unhappy, then go back. There will be a number of states in which to live and be whomever and do whatever you’d like to do.
For me, it’s a non-issue, not something that needs addressing at this time, but that’s just my opinion. As for discrimination, I’m against that in any case. We all have our opinions and views, but they are our own. Most of these have been solidified over time and will never soften. I do know that I can’t tell some guy down the street how to live his life, and I definitely don’t feel like an amendment is necessary to halt things that haven’t happened. North Carolina is still a long way away from allowing gay marriages, and if at that time, it is approved, then so be it. As a heterosexual father of two, it just doesn’t affect me, but I am always sensitive to the plight of others.

The argument has long been made that we humans are by nature compassionate and empathic despite the occasional streak of meanness, but torrents of bad news throughout history have contradicted that claim, and little sound science has backed it. But try this thought experiment. Imagine the number of opportunities people around the world today might have to commit an antisocial act, from rape or murder to simple rudeness and dishonesty. Make that number the bottom of a fraction. Now for the top value you put the number of such antisocial acts that will actually occur today. – Daniel Goleman

demonstrate who you want them to be

In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well…If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And If you have a gift for showing kindness, do it gladly. Romans 12:6-8

Don’t assume you have little to offer others. In an attempt to be humble, many people are reluctant to believe they have any special gifts. But it’s clear that each person has gifts from God to be used for the benefit of all people. It’s up to you to make the best use of those gifts that God has given you.

It has taken me some time but I have come to realize that no matter where I’m coaching, I’m not coaching for any particular team or organization, I’m truly coaching for a cause. That cause being to allow every kid who wants positive guidance and mature understanding be granted that through myself and others like me.

Children are imitators. They learn by watching the people around them, especially the authority figures closest to them. What we say as adults is important, but it’s not nearly as important as what we do. When our actions are inconsistent with our words, kids will notice because they are very perceptive, and will almost always ignore our words and follow our actions.

There’s no doubt about it, our children are watching. If you tell your son it’s important to treat women well but are consistently rude to your wife, guess which message will sink in? But if you teach your kids about the importance of honesty and then show how that plays out in your life, your words and actions line up to send an even more powerful message. Your values, motives, and ethics will be passed on to your kids not through your words, but through your actions. Demonstrate who you want them to be, and that’s who they will most likely become.

Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Ephesians 4:29

From The Inside Out

The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7

That’s a hard lesson to learn as a young person, and as we go through life, the stakes become higher with every decision, good or bad, that we make. It’s what’s inside that counts. Valuing style over substance can force us into a lot of unwise decisions in what we buy, what goals we pursue as well as the people we choose to associate with. Often it becomes a lifelong pattern that may leave us disappointed in the long run.

The best example of choosing style over substance is in the way we conduct ourselves in regards to relationships, be it romantic or otherwise. We often choose to associate with those who make us look better, not with those who make us feel better. Countless times I hear women complain of not being able to find the right mate when they’re in their 30s and desperate to get married and start a family. In truth, the perfect mate for them may have passed them by earlier in life because he wasn’t physically or financially what she had dreamt of. Look Deeper and you’ll be surprised at what you’ll find.

God chooses substance over style, and he’d like for us to do the same. He’s concerned with the inside: who we are becoming. He’d like for us to have substance and be able to see the same in others, and value it greater than style. Style changes, substance is everlasting.

We are all a work in progress, constantly trying to improve ourselves to become better people so that we may be better able to help people.

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own Phillipians 3:12

What’s on the inside matters more than what’s on the outside. Commit to the things that have a deeper value than what the world says. Always choose substance over style.

When Opportunity Knocks, Be Ready To Answer

There will be times in life that are gonna be life-changing. Times when you have to make key decisions that may or may not have a lasting effect on your life and the lives of others around you. Decisions like which college to attend, which girl to ask out, which jobs to accept or decline, will all shape who you become. These decisions can either straighten your path or veer you drastically off of it. All decisions are important. If you don’t believe so, just ask someone who’s made a poor one and they’ll certainly tell you. That which you are doing now, will directly affect what you’ll be doing 10-15 years from now, and who you’ll be doing it with.

I once had a grade school teacher that always preached to us, even as youngsters, to “make today special”. Being young at the time, I had no idea nor did I care to know exactly what he was talking about. But, later on in life and after losing some beloved relatives, I’ve come to realize exactly what he was referring to. The path which we take has everything to do with how we will live in the future and for what purpose. That same teacher punished us when we misbehaved by having us write sentences in increments of 100, unless we chose to take 1 swing of his mighty paddle per every 100 sentences that we had accrued. Needless to say, those sentences came plentiful for me. That sentence read “A wise youth makes hay while the sun shines, but what a shame to see a lad who sleeps away his hour of opportunity”. Basically, he was saying that we’ve been given an opportunity to form better lives, most of us, than our families had been able to provide for us, and that we should be appreciative of that opportunity and make the most of it.

In today’s high school locker rooms I hear athletes talking about what they would do if they were only given more opportunities, but when those opportunities arise, those same individuals aren’t ready for the challenge and the result is failure. And then after those failures come excuses, and after excuses, blame. Not themselves, but others.

One of my favorite movies, “The Dead Poets Society” has a quote that is used throughout which is “Carpe Diem”, which means simply “seize the day”…If everyone wakes up in the morning every day with the mindset that they are gonna “seize the day”, just imagine the productivity that everyone would have. In reality, you better seize it because you aren’t guaranteed another opportunity.

Seize every opportunity along the way, for how sad it would be if the road you chose became the road not taken.  ~Robert Brault

Choose Your Heroes Wisely

Athletes often carry the burden of being in the public eye, and as a result are viewed by children and adults alike as heroes of their times and often role models. Some athletes that I grew to love when they were on their respective field or court have led me to believe that you can’t hold anyone to high esteem whom you don’t truly know, because you just never know what comes next.
Barry Bonds broke the record held by Hank Aaron for most career homeruns in the history of Major League Baseball back in August of 2007, only to later be entangled in a steroid abuse scandal, causing many to doubt the validity and fairness of his record, and probably costing him a place in baseball’s Hall of Fame.
Michael Vick burst onto the scene in the NFL as a “human highlight film”, often appearing to be at warp speed while his opponents lagged behind. Those heroics came to a halt after allegations and a subsequent conviction in association with a dog fighting scandal.
Tiger Woods became a national hero when he became the world’s premier golfer. This all changed when he was found to have been cheating on his wife multiple times throughout his career.
Magic Johnson was a hero to many kids in the 80’s, when he transformed the L.A. Lakers into “Showtime” and won several World Championships. This all changed when he announced in the early 90s that he had contracted the HIV virus and would be forced to retire from basketball.
Mike Tyson, the most electrifying heavyweight boxer the world has ever seen, became the youngest heavyweight champion ever and often demolished his opponents in the early rounds. His eccentric behavior in and out of the ring has caused his legacy to be forever damaged.
O.J. Simpson was Buffalo Bills football in the 70s and was regarded by many as the greatest to ever play his position. His legacy has been reduced to ashes following a double murder trial in which he was acquitted of murdering his ex-wife and her companion, and several other incidents since then.
Being a hero is a very slippery slope because as we all know, “to whom much is given, much is expected”. I wonder allowed just how these athletes would be faring now, how their lives may have changed if it were not for these indiscretions.

A hero is born among a hundred, a wise man is found among a thousand, but an accomplished one might not be found even among a hundred thousand men. ~ Plato

Confidence v.s. Arrogance

“Nobody can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own” ~Sydney J. Harris

It has often been said that arrogance is spoken confidence, while confidence is unspoken arrogance. Whatever the case may be, there is definitely a thin line between those two terms, similar to “love” and “hate”. And ultimately, we will all at some point in our lives be forced to distinguish, whether directly or indirectly between the two.

Teenagers typically have a difficult time dealing with either. In my experience as a high school coach, I already know that every kid that steps on a field is better than those that came before him or her. If anything, there is a certain disrespect that has been bestowed on the older generation. “You don’t understand, you’re old school” or “Things are totally different now” are common comments that those younger than a certain age make all too frequently. Truth is, things haven’t changed that much, we only think they have.

Recently, a former professional football player joined our coaching staff, and while you may think that he’d receive instant respect because he is a former all-pro player and participated in a Super Bowl, that has not been the case. I repeatedly hear things like “that was a long time ago” or “he probably couldn’t play now”, as if it was any easier then that it is now.

I have to remind them that if a kid is on a college roster and you are struggling to make a mark in high school, then he doesn’t “suck”, as they often exclaim if he happens not to be as good as other college players. He is merely not as exceptionally talented as the guys he’s playing against. But, he is still a very good player, better than you.

In life as well as athletics, I always think you should be confident that you are at least as good as the people with whom you compete. Because if you don’t get some victories in life, victories like making a fair amount of sales if you happen to be in an industry where that is important, or better yet, having your students pass standardized tests to be promoted to the next grade level. Like it or not, criteria exists to weed out those who are not competing. Competition is part of life. Competition exists in it’s basic form simply in securing a job or career. You’ll have to beat out others who desire the same position. Simply put, you’ll need to compete and win in life, sooner or later.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with confidence, but arrogance, is a curse by which we measure failure, not success. How poorly someone has failed is directly related to how arrogant he has been in the process. Think of it this way, if Muhammad Ali had lost all of those fights he promised the world he’d win, then he would have been considered by many to be arrogant. Instead we view him as the ultimate in someone who was confident. And that is the difference between average and greatness.

“It ain’t bragging if you can back it up!!!” ~ Muhammad Ali